WELCOmE,
YOU’re HOmE

I remember when I was a young, about eight years old, I’d go down to my neighbors house and play with the little girl who lived there. We lived about three miles up a dirt road in the Ozark Mountains of Arkansas outside a tiny town that didn’t even have a stop light.

We’d spend the day roaming the fields and woods looking for fairies and brownies. I was young enough that I still believed in magick but old enough to begin to have doubts because of what I was told every week at Sunday school. I wanted it to be real so badly, and for a moment in my life it was. Then the adults stepped in and confirmed that magick and witchcraft will lead you down a very dangerous path. They took away the magick.

All of this was during the height of the “satanic panic” of the 1980’s. The church was still vilifying witches, witchcraft, and the occult just like hundreds of years ago during the burning times. And like in the past, lives were ruined and destroyed through prejudice, fear, and sheer ignorance. The panic spread. My mother bought into it hook, line, and sinker. Between what I was told at home and was learning in Sunday school, I started to develop severe anxiety about the fear of dying and this created an irrational fear of death and thunderstorms that lasted well into my twenties until my son was born. 

Around thirteen, I was given books to read on the dangers of the occult and about the terrifying spiritual warfare that was happening for all of our souls. Yoga was evil and would make you stop breathing, the Smurfs were devil worshipers, and there were demons prowling around every corner waiting to posses me in a moment of my weakness.

My anxiety, fear, and guilt about being a sinner increased. My irrational fear of dying and not being forgiven for all of my sins skyrocketed. I was terrified of hell. All magick and mystery had disappeared from my life. When I was sixteen I discovered herbs and herbalism. I was enthralled. But I failed to truly pursue it due to that fact that there was underlying guilt and fear that it might be too “occult” and it would lead me to stray from god under the devil’s insidious influence. 

It was when my son was born that I started to question my religious upbringing. I realized that I never wanted my son to live with the fear, guilt, and anxiety that had plagued me since I was a small child. I didn’t want him laying in bed at night as a small child terrified of being a sinner, not being good enough, and being sent to hell. He was a child, how much sin could he have possibly committed? I decided not raise him with any religious beliefs whatsoever, so when he was old enough he could decide for himself what he believed. 

It wasn’t until my mid thirties that magick began to make a reappearance in my life. I’m not sure what compelled me, but I bought a Tarot deck. I was terrified. I’d been so brainwashed and traumatized by my religious upbringing that I was sure I was going to catch on fire and burn in hell as soon as I opened them. Nothing bad happened. Instead, I began to see the world in a new way and the universe began to show me beautiful things and sometimes impossible things.

The magick had returned.

I dove in head first and read and learned as much as I could. Paganism and witchcraft were nothing like the church had demonized. There was no satan worshiping and dancing with the devil. I had a lot a fear and anger to work through due to the lies and fear mongering I had been raised to believe but the magick was there and it guided me though with patience and love.

I moved to Idaho, and believe it or not, it was there that I found my people. I finally found myself though a community that was loving, welcoming, non judgmental, and more open minded than any church that I had experienced growing up. I found that I was good at and loved to teach others about what I knew how to do and I knew how to do a lot of things. It was pure magick.

Creation is magick. I create magick everyday and so can you. Welcome home.